i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
