the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
