ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
