He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
