when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
operation harelip BJ is a go
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
