What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
