smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
