I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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