I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
