Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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