3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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