Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
