my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
