How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
