dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize