Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
