Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
