Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
