Just cropdusted the office
Welp...herpes.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
