Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
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We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
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I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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