im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize