there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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