my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
