i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
