I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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