Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
it's like iHOP with fire
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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