I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
seriously i just wanna be friends
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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