ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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