I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
that's an acceptable place to lick
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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