Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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