My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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