Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
