Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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