Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
