People with herpes should wear stickers.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
