Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
