Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
