It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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