I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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