i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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