I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
