So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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