Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
