well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He had one of those small greek statue penises
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
