Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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