I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just made my gag reflex go away.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
