i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
