i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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