I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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