We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
