Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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