Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
high people should be assigned attendants
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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