And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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