Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
