apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
