I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
