I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Watching her eat just hurts me
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
