I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
