she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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