I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
