i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
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I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
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Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.