I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.