no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
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Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Houston, we have a blender
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
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THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo