this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat