Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
