My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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