I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
