theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
