FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
