I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
