Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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