I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
