Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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