I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my being single is dangerous.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
