can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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