I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Never underestimate the power of titties
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
