the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
