apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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