Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
